09/27/2013 Moving like a turtle...

So, Still haven't exercised but once around the Marina (2 miles) in roughly 2 weeks.  I have been soda free though since 9/9.  I am trying to eat healthier but am not really great at logging it into the "My Fitness Pal" app.  I feel that if I have had a bad day of eating then I just don't put it in because I know that I didn't eat well and don't want to be reminded by it.  Maybe I don't want to be thinner?  Maybe I am afraid of what will come if I do get fit?
I did get a VA job though and have promised myself to get a gym membership as soon as I get my first check.  I don't have an official start date but have a physical on Monday and I am sure that I will have one shortly thereafter.
My plan for weight loss stands as this:
To lose 80 pounds/have BMI under 29/have single digit pants size by my birthday 2014.  It can be any one of those or a combination as long as one of the 3 are met.  (If one is done though then it is likely that another will be too.)
     For every time I go to the gym or go walking I get a Starbucks Venti Iced Black Tea
     For every 10 lbs lost I get a pedicure at the beauty school.
     For every 25 lbs lost I get a massage at Ralston School of Massage.
     When I have gotten under 200 pounds I get a new pair of cross trainers.
     When my goal is achieved I will get a pair of Miss Me Jeans and take a trip somewhere.

At home I weigh 212 first thing in the morning.  At Plasma today I weighed 221.6 with shoes on and clothes on and after eating breakfast.  Tomorrow I measure arms, bust, waist, hips, thighs and calculate my BMI and on the 9th of every month I will measure until my goal is achieved.

I almost purchased a soda today but stuck to my guns and didn't.  I have craved it off and on for the past several weeks.  I catch myself and have to remind myself of the goal.  Hopefully soon the cravings will stop.

I did get a new set of interchangeable knitting needles on ebay for much less than retail.  I knit for about 4 hours straight today.  They are nice and I am taking advantage of the free time that I have for the moment to get some Xmas gifts finished.  I have many to do.  I am glad though that  some people I will actually be able to buy for this year because of the new job : )

Well, until next time....

9-12-13 Hot Flashes suck!!!!

I think that the title says it all and I really don't need to elaborate much more than that.  I walked the dog outside (short walk) and it was about 80 outside.  When I came back into the house I was sweating like a pig in the 68 degree enclosure.  I even had to break out my hand fan because I was so miserable.
In other news, my last soda was on the 9th and it is 3 days now.  I crave it but am trying really hard not to give in.  I doubt that koolaid is much better (and I don't even put in the full 1 cup of sugar).
So, I am counting the above walk officially as exercise.  It is more than I would do normally so it definitely counts.
No weigh in as of yet.  I usually get the bad news when I donate plasma 2x a week.  Tomorrow will be one of those days because I really need the $60 this week ($25+$35=$60).  So it will be a more true weight because I have to eat breakfast before I go and drink a lot of water.  Plus I will be wearing clothes and shoes.  I am curious if the soda-less days will have any impact or not.

Happy Birthday and perfect timing to make changes

September 9, 2013

I turned 44 today I think and have made a decision that today is a first and last day for many things and that if I don't make some changes now, they may never happen.  I am tired of being fat, wearing a size 20 pants and not liking the physical appearance of my body.
I am going to chronicle my attempt and eventual success at losing 80 pounds in 365 days.  I want to be in a healthy BMI and not have the "O" word in my medical records anymore.  A healthy BMI is 19-24 and I think that 80 lbs will get me into that range. I have not come up with written down smaller goals yet or a reward for the end.  I will work on those and bring them here to share.
Yesterday at my plasma donation I weighed 221.  That is with clothes on and flip flops, cell phone in pocket (I-phone 4), eating a light breakfast and a full sized V8.  At home with minimal clothing I am registering about 210-212.
Brianna moved the Pilates machine upstairs in front of my mirrored closet.  I am drinking my last soda today, caffeinated and fully sugared.  I will try not to have diet sodas in the future either.  I will allow myself carbonated water to add in my crystal light and other low cal options.
I have started taking photos today and will not be posting them until the end.  As progress occurs I will post photos and at the end I would like to put it all together into a time lapse sort of thing.
Eat well, no soda, get off your butt and get moving!

and here we go again...

10-17-2012 
So, I am in school again.  Pharmacy tech this time.  I really enjoy going to school and learning new things.  This is not too terribly much of a challenge but much less expensive than working on a Masters Degree or PhD!  I have my teaching license but was turned down by the school district after I was one month out after losing my 8year old job!  Maybe I should have taken the Charter Schools more seriously.....oh well, I chose a different road and here I am. 
I have gone from medical to technical support for cell phones.  Don't see the similarities?  There really aren't any.  Pharmacy tech may get my foot in the door for the VA and I can only hope that things will get better from there.  I would still like to move but not terribly serious about it right meow because it takes money and a future job to make a move happen and I have neither so it will have to wait just a little bit longer.
My beautiful daughter will be turning 21 next month.  Time has gone by much too fast.  She still lives at home and I really don't mind it.  She pays a little rent and it is in a decent neighborhood for the moment.  Her girlfriend and their dog live with me and the kitties too.  It makes for a crowded apartment but it is something.
I am in therapy again too.  Really like the therapist at the VA.  She is pretty awesome and is helping me deal with myself pretty effectively.
Well, off for now and 2 classes left for the night.
Just say no to bedbugs :)....

9-24-11 Mean People

I have been a surrogate twice if you haven't heard. Both times the families have made me feel like I have done something terribly wrong. A shame really. It is awful for someone to use another for some sort of gain. I am not stupid. I have feelings. I really detest liars and hypocrites! Don't tell me you are my friend and then not contact me for weeks. Don't say I can see the baby whenever I want to if you don't mean it. Not that I am particularly upset about the baby, I miss having the care and concern of my "friends". I have had a baby so I know how busy, or rather not, that it is. I did it by myself, my daughter had only me and occaisionally "gramma". I always had time to see my friends. I made time for the people who are special to me. The message though has been received loud and clear! I had a baby for you and I don't matter now that she is born. Count yourself lucky that you have a baby at all now because Karma is not a force you should try to reckon with! Just sayin'....

7-26-11 Hurt Feelings...

The worst feeling in the world is that you are no longer important. Whether it is 9 months later or 19 years, it still hurts like you are dying!

7-22-11 Keep the hand busy and the mind will follow (hopefully)

I have been crocheting and knitting since having the baby on June 19. I have had a hard time all my life with depression and the delivery just put everything so over the top. It would have spilt over anyway, even if I wasn't pregnant. I know now that it wasn't just postpartum depression, though I had all the signs. My regular clinical depression overshadowed everything and I just happen to get sick after delivery: shakes, chills, food aversion, diarrhea, insomnia, crying, and probably some that I have forgotten in the 1 month since delivery. I put it all here because maybe it can help someone else. Though recommended that I not be a surrogate again, I can't help but disagree, surrogacy being something unique that I can do and others can't among other reasons.

So, back to the knitting and crocheting...there is a very talented woman named Christina whose patterns I purchased on Etsy.com and whose store name is "Affordable Wonders". Her patterns are the ones I used to make the items in the photos here. The exception is the "Army cap" and that is my own design that I "MacGuyvered" : ) I have also made other caps, wash cloths, and a blanket too. Hoping that if I kept my hands busy, my mind would be distracted from all of the negative self talk that has become automatic for so long.

Cognitive therapy is what I am doing now. It is different from all the past therapies in that I am learning that I can talk back to my negative self talk and that I can learn to be positive and that exercise is crucial to my getting better (though I still feel guilty about not doing it every day). Dr. A. says that walking 3 times a week is great.